


Feelings

by VictoriaLestrange



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-06
Updated: 2013-11-06
Packaged: 2017-12-31 16:51:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1034035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VictoriaLestrange/pseuds/VictoriaLestrange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first fanfiction ever! Sorry if I've made mistakes, and I'm sure I've made a lot but English is not my native language unfortunately. I had this idea and i really wanted to write it no matter how bad the writing is, and i really hope you appreciate it too. This might have another chapter if you like the first one so please comment if you like it and you want another one :) criticism is really appreciated since it helps make my work better :)  I love Erwin Smith and Attack on Titan!</p>
    </blockquote>





	Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction ever! Sorry if I've made mistakes, and I'm sure I've made a lot but English is not my native language unfortunately. I had this idea and i really wanted to write it no matter how bad the writing is, and i really hope you appreciate it too. This might have another chapter if you like the first one so please comment if you like it and you want another one :) criticism is really appreciated since it helps make my work better :) I love Erwin Smith and Attack on Titan!

Victoria was pacing back and forth in her room when she heard a faint knock on her door. She knew well who it was but she feared what would happen if she did open the door.

“I know you’re in there Victoria. Please open the door. I really need to talk to you” – she heard the man behind the door say. She stopped pacing and wondered what she should do. She took a sip of the alcoholic beverage she poured herself just a minute ago and decided she should let the men in. What’s the worst that could possibly happen?

She left the glass at the bedside table and approached the door. The big wooden door, which was far too big for a small room like hers, made a loud creak noise as it opened. The castle where the Scouting Legion resided was too old after all, so a noise like that was something that she- and everyone else - were well used to.

The blond man stood tall in front of her looking at her with his bright blue eyes. It wasn’t that Victoria was short, she was actually taller than all of her friends and team mates, but it was him that was bigger than anyone else. It seemed like the only person who could make Erwin Smith’s height of 1.88 seem normal was Mike’s height of 1.96 cm. But Erwin was the most intimidating of them all, he had the aura of a Commander, his appearance and posture showed wisdom, experience and fearlessness. He was indeed worthy of his title.

She let the men in, and he entered. Erwin said nothing as he sat on the chair near the small wooden table in Victoria’s room. She took her glass and sat in the chair in front of him.

“Want some?” – she asked. Erwin nodded, as Victoria took another glass and poured some of the alcoholic beverage she was drinking. He thanked her politely and drank some of it.

“This is good” – he noted – “Where did you get such a good beverage like this?”

“You forget that I’ve lived on the streets more than I should have” –she said – “I’ve picked quite some nasty habits during that phase of my life, stealing being one of them. I haven’t stolen in a lot of time though, but when we were in the king’s palace I couldn’t help myself. That prick doesn’t deserve it anyway.”

Erwin smiled at the comment. It was true, the king didn’t deserve any of the privileges he had. All he did was sit around all day, doing nothing and still he was the most protected person of all. The Scouting legion did all the work but they were the ones to receive all the hate and what’s worse, they had to go through hell to receive enough funds to keep it going, let alone think of buying alcoholic beverages.

“I’ve always liked that about you Victoria, you’re fearless” – Erwin said as he finished the drink in one gulp. Victoria felt a blush creeping in her face, as she bit her lip to hold back a smile.

They stood in awkward silence, trying to avoid looking at each other, but rather enjoying the view of the vanished sun and blue-violet sky outside the window. Both of them had a lot to say but neither of them had the courage to mouth the words they were dying to let out. Victoria replayed in her mind the events that had happened just a few hours ago. 

As they were working they had shared a kiss but just as their lips parted Hanji had entered the room, leaving them unable to talk about what had just happened. Hanji realized nothing because of her huge excitement over the new discoveries she had made regarding Titans (none of it were new though, they were just confirmations of theories). And just as the three of them finished work Victoria had managed to get out of Erwin’s office before either of them could say anything.

A few moments of silence later she was brought back to reality by the sound of Erwin’s voice.

“What did you say?” -she asked since she didn’t hear what he said the first time

What do you really think of me Victoria? –Erwin repeated the question in a calm but expecting voice.

“I…think you’re a very good commander and ..,”

“That’s not what I meant...”- Erwin interrupted. – “I was asking if you think of me like everybody else does… like a monster that is…”

“Don’t look at me like that…”- he continued when he saw the surprise in her face – “I am well aware of what other people think of me. They think that I am someone who doesn’t possess any feelings, someone who doesn’t care about his comrades and sends everyone to their deaths without even batting an eyelash about it… I was just wondering…if you are one of those who thinks like that.”

Victoria looked at him with a surprised face. Was he for real? What he said was true, other people indeed thought of him like that, but they didn’t understand, and Erwin didn’t care about their opinions anyway. 

“I don’t think you are a monster Erwin, I could never think of you that way. I understand very well why you do what you do, and people who join the Scouting Legion are informed and know well what they are doing, and they are aware of the possibility that they might die. I don’t think of you as a monster, but as a brave person who has the ability to put his emotions aside and think for the benefit of humanity. That’s why I deeply respect you, because everything you do comes with a great burden and you are strong enough to endure that and think straight…no one else can do that…” – Victoria said, and she meant every word. She had always admired her commander, and his ability to think two steps ahead of everything.

“You were the reason why I joined the Scouting Legion, I always admired you from afar, and your courage made me rethink my life, and reevaluate my choices... I heard how since you became commander, there had been less deaths because of your well made plans and I wanted to become as strong and smart as you are… if there’s a reason why I am here right now that’s you, and I have to thank you for that…”

A small smile appeared in Erwin’s face. It was quite a rare happening, seeing Erwin smile that is. Victoria was happy to be the one who brought that smile to his face.

“I am happy that you do understand me Victoria, I really am…”

“Since when do you care what other people think of you Erwin?” – Victoria asked sincerely.

“I don’t, I never did, I never will, but I do care what you think of me” – the commander responded. The answer left her in shock.

“What I think of you? ...Why?”

“Because if you think I’m a monster than you wouldn’t believe that I am able to have feelings. And I do, no matter how much I’ve tried to suppress them for the sake of my job. But I really can’t stop my feelings, and frankly I don’t want to anymore… believe me, I’ve given a lot of thought to what I am about to say, I’ve spent many sleepless nights trying to decide whether these were feelings that were worth keeping…I am talking about love Victoria, I’ve fallen in love and I don’t know what to do about it. When I first joined the Scouting Legion and moreover, when I became commander I vowed to myself that I would never fall in love because it was stupid, it would make me weak, it would distract me and it would be a burden. But I didn’t know the meaning of love back then. Now that I do feel it, I understand…it’s not stupid and it most certainly doesn’t make me weak, on the contrary, it makes me strong because it gives me a reason to fight more than I used to, in order to survive. I feel strong now, because I have a reason to live, and that reason is you…”

Erwin grabbed Victoria’s hand and put it in his chest where his heart was.

“The kiss we shared earlier wasn’t something I’d do with anyone… I kissed you because it was you, you are the only one to ever make me feel like this. Can you feel my heartbeat? Can you feel how fast it goes?” –he asked. She nodded in silence. – “I don’t want to wait anymore… life is so short, you never know when you might die, especially us who are in the scouting legion… I want to cherish every moment I have with you, and if I ever die, I want to die without any regrets, because I’ve lived a good life…”

Tears were now streaming from Victoria’s eyes.

“Look at me, rambling like an idiot” – Erwin said as he wiped her tears away with his thumbs – “I started making plans without even asking you how you feel about me…”

He took her face in his hands while looking deeply in her eyes.

“Do you love me too Victoria?” –he asked with a voice so gentle that she felt she could melt in his hands

“I don’t remember a time when I didn’t…” she said with a half shaky voice. 

The moment their lips joined, Victoria could swear the ground beneath her was falling apart. She put her arms around his neck, wanting to feel him as close as she could. She could feel him smile against her lips and she felt happier she could ever be. 

“Erwin…” – Victoria said as she broke their kiss.

“Yes love..?

“Please stay here tonight…”


End file.
